I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
