I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
