But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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