Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
