My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
