I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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