It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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