dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
two words...techno handjob
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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