gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
