It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
