Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
love makes seman taste better
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
