i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
