Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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