im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
