Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
This is my gift to your gina
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
