gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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