Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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