I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
