There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
