margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Semen is not good for contacts.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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