it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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