If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
