The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
