I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
