She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Plan B is the new Plan A
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
