I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
