just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
