Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
