I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
