Midget sex pt 2 tonight
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
