oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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