Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
