I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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