my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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