Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
