So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
