dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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