Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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