i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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