lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
