He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
