wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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