Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
