I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He shit in the fireplace
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