I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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