Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
