My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
