how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
