There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
