shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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